Friday, June 18, 2010

The Deep End

Just do it...

one step at a time...

Oh my God! I have done it. I have broken through my paranoid, schizophrenic self talk and actually started typing!! Wooo Hooo. Sheesh. I'm such a neurotic baby. I've been staring at the computer screen "thinking" of what to type. Completely over-analyzing everything, as usual.

I need help.

Serious help.

I need a mental break.

I need a vacation from my life.

Don't get me wrong, I love my kids, my bf, my family and my dogs and sometimes, my job. But I have reached this place where I just feel like if I don't "DO SOMETHING", my head is going to pop off.

So since I can't leave my family, however dysfunctional it is, I decided I would blog. I was wildly excited at the little escape every morning before I go to work...(I get up 45 min earlier than I have to during the week, so that I can read blogs and feel a little more "normal")...could be utilized as my creative/venting session. And no one would need to know...


My just turned 15 year old daughter logged onto the computer and said, "You started a blog?"

Me: "Huh?"

Madi: Turns the computer screen around. Blogger...big as life blares at me.

Me: "Oh that...I was just messing around."

Madi: "The Deep End?" Looks at me with that teenage, 'I know all' look.

Me: "I just thought I would try it. I made the page, but that's it."

Madi: "It says there are 2 posts."

Me: "They are drafts. Give me the computer."

Madi: She looks at me with this look like..."I'm going to read what you wrote...hmmmm...and then text all my friends about how ridiculously crazy you are."

Me: (inside my head that is ready to pop off) F@%&!!!

It never ends...there is no privacy, no moments to yourself. It's like trying to use the bathroom, ALONE, once you have kids...never again.

So anyways, after much deliberation with the voices in my head, I decided, "F IT!!" I'm jumping in...deep end, here I come!

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